Why Your Bus is Late – Reason #14

by Dante DeAmicis

The other day I left on the 2pm Route 4 from Lakeport, on time.  This run took the flex stop at the Lloyd P. Hance Community School and Education Center on Argonaut.  We pulled to the curb. No one was waiting.  The driver honked the horn. We waited.  After about three minutes a lone figure appeared at the end of a hall slowly walking, no sauntering, toward the bus.  At no time did the figure look in the direction of the waiting bus.

I wasn’t sure the student was actually who we were waiting for since I would have expected a slow jog from someone in the prime of life, especially since he was unburdened by any books or folders.  But no, this was actually an “anti walk” – a stylized slow motion urban kabuki dance.  Performed in costume of hoody and I-Pod, this was “Too Cool to Hurry, Care, or Notice”, Act One.

All eyes on the bus were riveted on the decreasing distance between the stroller and the open door.  Finally, his face appeared in the door’s opening.  Enough theater.  Now we can go.  But wait, another figure appears at the end of the same hall and begins a repeat of the same understated performance.  Same hoody, dangling I-Pod, no visible student accessories.

Even though the second student’s Act Two shuffle is identical to the first it seems like more of an ooze the second time as the minutes tick by.  Is this glacial indifferent gait taught at Lloyd P. Hance or is it a requirement for admission?  I can’t believe it.  We are really on our way , minus the time equivalent of a wheel chair boarding and a CalTrans road work skit.

I hope the students at Lloyd P. Hance can hone their method for Broadway since I’ve seen little interest in the real world for this look, attitude, and hostility toward significant body movement.  The reviews of our audience on wheels were cool also.

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